seeking validation

Here’s a thought…

It was once said that if you live for people’s acceptance, you will die from your own rejection.  

We read in Hebrews 11:2:

“Through their faith, the people in days of old earned a good reputation.”

Another translation reads “earning a good report.” 

Why Do We Need Validation?

As I continue to work in the field of addiction treatment and counseling services, there is one common underlying tone to most human behaviors: It is the need for validation. But why? Where does this overwhelming need for approval come from and is it really all that bad? 

Let me begin answering those questions this way:

We all enjoy recognition for our achievements and a good old pat on the back occasionally.  However, we begin to cross the line when our need for approval is more directed inward than upward. When this occurs, those who may have some prior insecurities will seek out validation constantly, and thus, this need for attention becomes their “value” thermometer. This need for value can produce behaviors of “codependency,” or valuing the approval of others more than valuing yourself. 

Furthermore, when our actions towards others are generated by what I can receive rather than what I can give, we may have an issue with validation addiction.

Finding Your Authentic Self Through God

We want to feel acknowledged, right, or even attractive by others. Unfortunately, the ugly little secret of your thoughts are consumed by what others are thinking of you, then rest assured, you will find no inner peace until you begin to redirect your thinking on what God desires from you rather than what you think others are requiring from you. 

I heard an old saying years ago that went like this:

“I am not what I think I am, and I am not what you think I am, I am what I think you think I am.”

The Trap of External Validation

Much like chemical addiction, the need for validation can be a progressive path that you may want to stay off of because once on this trail, the craving can become so intense that we lose focus. This is why we are encouraged in Lamentations 3:40 which says,

“Let us examine our ways and test them; let us return to the Lord.”  

Good report comes from the Greek word “Martyreo.” This is where we get the word Martyr from, which means: “to bear witness or to give affirmation to that to which we have seen and heard from.

In Philippians 4:9 we read:

“Those things that you have both learned, and received and heard, and seen in me, DO, and the God of peace will be with you.”  

Finding and Living in Truth

So, how do I handle my insecurities? How do I check my motives behind my behavior?  The answer comes when we ask ourselves: who will get the attention (or recognition) from my actions? 

When we seek to gain man’s approval through self-righteous deeds apart from true faith, then we may have an issue with validation addiction. In fact, we also may have an issue with “faith comes by works” which we all know is simply not true.  

The Bible says in Ephesians 2:8

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” 

So, I leave you with this thought to think about: